Post by durhamlass on Oct 1, 2009 14:12:18 GMT -8
I am not sure what area of my life is under control. I am trying to juggle a number of things.
Part of me says it would be easier if I had someone to share my life with. Another says hold on a minute you are wanting a life partner for the wrong reasons. I do some of these things to make sure that there is enough money coming in to pay the bills and if there was more than one income coming in then that burden would be lessened. It is not the only thing that could be shared if I was not on my own.
On the other hand because I am struggling with things like this then that means that there are deficiencies in my character which means that I would hurt anyone the Lord brought my way. I did my share of damaging my marriage and do not want to do the same again. The scary thing about that is that I have been going to counselling once week and this week I have realised that there are still many things to work through before I am in a position to even have a boyfriend never mind find a permanent replacement for the man who ditched me and is now on at least his third new girlfriend. My prayer has been to sort me out and them out so that we can make a success of life together.
It might make dealing with a plumbing problem like the one I had on Monday rather easier. At least in terms of moving the things from where I needed to put the ladder to reach having 2 people would lighten the load.
The challenges that I am facing with Lily the Pink Ministries CIC have been time-consuming this past week. I tried developing two different ways of paying for the things I am trying to do and both of them have now not worked out after spending weeks working on them. This leaves me back on the drawing board trying to come up with some other ideas.
Someone suggested that I tried to increase my income by writing magazine articles. Problem is I only know of 1 magazine that reflects my worldview. I got some of the other milder magazines from a shop to see what they are like and to be honest either my attitudes are more Christian or theirs have become more ungodly or both.
You wonder why I feel that I don't have the time to eat well or exercise without it having another purpose.
Susan
- I have a house to care for and to be honest most rooms are overloaded with things that need re-organising and if I can find the time and nerve the contents should also be reduced to manageable levels.
- I am often behind with the housework. I got so far behind in the kitchen that I had to deal with an infestation of small flies last week.
- I do some paid work. Never more than 5 hours a day or 3 days a week but by the time I have got ready gathered the things I need for each session and driven there I can often double the number of hours it takes up. This month I have done twice as many hours as I have ever done.
- I am officially self-employed so run my own business. I get something called working tax credit because I work 30 hours within that business and my income is below a certain level, even with the part time work that I do.
- To add to the complications as a director I am officially employed by Lily the Pink Ministries Community Interest Company. As a CIC it is like a charity in some ways and a business in others. I have been doing some work for that as well recently. I have been facing a number of practical challenges with this as well, not least financial ones. I was hoping to use some of the teaching materials from one of the funding partners for some of the small groups I wanted to run. Now I am trying to work out whether to run them or not and if I do how to develop the materials.
- I do some voluntary work supporting people with mental health issues. The worse case being someone whose son has at least behaved irresponsibly if not fraudulently towards her.
- My garden is getting rather overgrown as it is so uncared for.
- I am doing a course at college one afternoon a week. (NVQ level 3 in Information Advice and Guidance)
- I have a long list of smaller jobs to do so long that I hardly dare look at it.
Part of me says it would be easier if I had someone to share my life with. Another says hold on a minute you are wanting a life partner for the wrong reasons. I do some of these things to make sure that there is enough money coming in to pay the bills and if there was more than one income coming in then that burden would be lessened. It is not the only thing that could be shared if I was not on my own.
On the other hand because I am struggling with things like this then that means that there are deficiencies in my character which means that I would hurt anyone the Lord brought my way. I did my share of damaging my marriage and do not want to do the same again. The scary thing about that is that I have been going to counselling once week and this week I have realised that there are still many things to work through before I am in a position to even have a boyfriend never mind find a permanent replacement for the man who ditched me and is now on at least his third new girlfriend. My prayer has been to sort me out and them out so that we can make a success of life together.
It might make dealing with a plumbing problem like the one I had on Monday rather easier. At least in terms of moving the things from where I needed to put the ladder to reach having 2 people would lighten the load.
The challenges that I am facing with Lily the Pink Ministries CIC have been time-consuming this past week. I tried developing two different ways of paying for the things I am trying to do and both of them have now not worked out after spending weeks working on them. This leaves me back on the drawing board trying to come up with some other ideas.
Someone suggested that I tried to increase my income by writing magazine articles. Problem is I only know of 1 magazine that reflects my worldview. I got some of the other milder magazines from a shop to see what they are like and to be honest either my attitudes are more Christian or theirs have become more ungodly or both.
You wonder why I feel that I don't have the time to eat well or exercise without it having another purpose.
Susan